Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
