What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
