the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
