As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
