Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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