garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
