He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My ass is underappreciated
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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