I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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