What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
