3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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