Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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