For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
