Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
