dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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