Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
