Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
