if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
