Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
