the day after is always just damage control
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
