You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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