I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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