she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
honey bunches of taint.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
