he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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