I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Acid is not a monday night drug
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
