dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
All I want is dick and wine.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
