I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
