Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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