did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
