I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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