it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
