you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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