You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
