Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
