I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
