theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
All I want is dick and wine.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
