ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
