Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
