just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
