How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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