if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
