Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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