I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
