my phone needs a breathalizer
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
