If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
