There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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