threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just puked most of my soul out..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
