you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
