You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
