I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
