i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
